Ghanaian Must-See Television

Ghana television has come a long way since my first visit to Ghana, back in 1990. Then, there was only a single television station and it only broadcast for 3 hours, from 7:00 p.m. through 10:00 p.m. or thereabouts.

Over the years, broadcasting has grown in Ghana to the point where we now enjoy 24 hour television, and have access to BBC, CNN and recently, Aljazeera. We’ve also got a lot more channels – we’ve got GTV, TV3, Metro TV, Crystal TV, TV Africa, Net1 and Viasat 1.

It’s really wonderful (to some extent) that we can watch television sitcoms from the U.S., the U.K. or South Africa, including perennial favorites like the Cosby Show, Everyone Hates Chris, the Bernie Mack Show, Hanging with Mr. Cooper (sensing a theme again, eh?) and Friends (we are a diverse people, after all). We also get “newer” shows like CSI Miami and Las Vegas (which sadly, just ended – I so prefer Grissom to that Caine guy, ever since David Caruso dropped his drawers and bared his butt to the world on NYPD Blue I’ve disliked him – what a sorry looking ass that was! And no, I won’t post a picture. Even I’ve got my limitations. But if you’ve got a strong stomach, follow the link). The more recent forensic crime drama Bones is on every Saturday night, which my boys beg to stay up and watch (though try as I might I can’t get them interested in the Kathy Reichs books – which the television show can’t hold a candle to, in my opinion).

And, of course, we get nature shows with David Attenborough and reality television shows like American Idol (season 5 just finished out) and Sports Science (the boys LOVE this show) and historical documentaries from the U.S. about civil rights and from South Africa (Shaka Zulu).

Soap operas fit into a whole ‘nother category. We get them from all over the world – China, Japan, Mexico, South Africa, India, Nigeria – even from Ghana. And not all of them are in English, nor are they dubbed, so you better be really quick to read the captions. Oddly, even on some American or English movies they’re captioned. And let me tell you, in some cases, the captioning is absolutely hysterical. I don’t even listen to what’s being said, just because it’s too much fun watching the interpretation.

It’s also funny, and a bit odd, that a lot of the movies that are being broadcast seem to be the same ones that we’ve got in our DVD collection. The kids swear that someone is stealing our DVDs. Even our crappy movies (Popeye with Robin Williams, for instance) are being shown on Ghana television. But there are also good movies, recent releases and lots of old Hollywood favorites.

Take today, for instance. I turned on the television at about 11:45 and spotted Gene Kelly’s face staring out at me. Now I’ve been a Gene Kelly fan since way back, and there was no way I was gonna switch him off. So I waited a few seconds to try and figure out what it was – an American in Paris! I love that movie! Granted, I haven’t watched it in probably a quarter century, but really, Gene Kelly is timeless. So I hunkered down and watched only to realize that it was essentially the finale – you know the scene where Gene imagines he’s dancing through the streets of Gay Paree with Leslie Caron, even though in actuality she’s traveling with her fiancé (whom she doesn’t love) to get married. Now, I happen to know that the movie ends on a happy note, when a car horn blows and Gene comes out of his reverie to find Leslie Caron returning to him.

Sadly, the Ghanaians watching An American in Paris for the first time will never ever ever find out that this movie had a happy ending.

“Why” you ask? That’s a very good question. I wish I knew the answer. Almost without fail, the last five minutes of every single movie are cut off for a station break and then the next television program begins. Talk about frustrating! In fact, I think it’s nothing short of evil.

Perhaps the programming director doesn’t understand the importance of those last five minutes of a movie, when everything is finally made clear. When you learn who the killer was or whether the guy got the girl or the lost dog found his way home or the whale was finally freed or the little girl was adopted.

I’d like to show them how important is the final minutes with an analogy. Say the Ghana Black Stars are playing in the World Cup finals against Brazil. After the second half the score is tied 2-2. Injury time has been taken and the score remains unchanged. They go into extra time. After 30 minutes the score remains 2-2. So there’s a shoot out.

Ghana goes first… GOAL! (The Ghanaian crowd goes wild.)

Brazil goes… GOAL! (The Ghanaian crowd groans.)

Ghana takes their second kick… MISS! (The Ghanaian crowd gasps.)

Brazil takes their second… GOAL! (The Ghanaian crowd starts praying.)

Ghana takes their third shot… GOAL! (The Ghanaian crowd goes wild again.)

Brazil takes their third… GOAL! (The Ghanaian crowd goes into shock and starts praying anew.)

Ghana takes their fourth shot… ♪♫♪ Drink delicious and nutritious Healthilife, Healthilife Grow! ♪♫♪ Tom and Jerry theme music begins to play. ♪♫♪ (The Ghanaian crowd gets ready to stage a coup.)

Five minutes. That’s all I ask.